musings on love and loss

Originally uploaded by cymagen

each time i attempt to ponder how many days or years have gone by since we last saw one another, it becomes a bit depressing. i confess, though i have a vague notion of the years, i can never bring myself to analyzing the time to its exact amount.

we “see” each other, do not get me wrong. but not in person. there is something significantly lacking about non-corporeal correspondence regardless of how real images on screens and thoughts within one’s mind can seem. to actually stand in their presence and touch them is a whole other matter entirely. i dare say, it is a bit more complete.

i’ve no idea why the notion has me so morose the past few days. some days it just seems to happen. i am a notoriously moody individual with moments spent either in subdued happiness or melancholy introspection. our anniversary is yet some months away, but her birthday is a mere two or so weeks away. for years upon years, i’ve not had chance to properly wish her a happy birthday and although we speak now where once there was silence, i still cannot do so.

i know why things must be this way right now. i hardly like it, though.

this world of mine never has been right since she has been away.

the elusive paramour

air floating past my fingertips
you are a beautiful shadow on my wall
you are a delightful ghost
within the confines of my mind.

you are cigarette smoke and ashes
and the caress of somber music playing
on a record player, reminding me
of foregone days and memories.

you drift between the cracks
and disappear prior to detection
you skip over floorboards to avoid
giving yourself away.

you are the elusive desires
of my heart personified
the daydreams which steal my sleep away
and demand ransom for my peace of mind.

and yet, although you pierce my soul
with daggers i cannot reach
i still search each corner of my room
for the lingering remnants of you.

darling lover, dearest one, i wait for you alone,
peter

~ by peterdawes on July 23, 2008.